I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
