u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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