Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
