My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
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she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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