I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
