omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
