i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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