Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
