i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can't special order awesome
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
