I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
