Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
