he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
