just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
