I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you win again, gameday.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
