From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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