note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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