my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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