I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
