I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
