I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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