I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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