I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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