big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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