Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
