How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
