Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
