I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize