i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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