It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
