I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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