Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
