i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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