Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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