Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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