Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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