Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
