she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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