my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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