omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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