Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration