I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard