You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
