The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men