I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.