i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
