There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
