I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
