When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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