Four minutes until I can fart!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
