Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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