just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
