I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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