Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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