Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize