I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
