i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
