just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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