overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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