Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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