i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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