she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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