Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize