is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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