theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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