Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
