I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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