My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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