I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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