idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
