her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
